Worst. Wedding. Ever.

Come all ye young people about to get hitched,
Don't leave your guests-to-be in a ditch!
Refrain from the cards telling us what to buy,
Remember to stamp the RSVP reply.

Please don't start the wedding an hour past its time,
If you don't want us wilting from losing our prime.
If traditional vows you two opt to forgo,
At least put a lid on your impromptu notes.

Your planners were snippy, the attendants looked dour
The singer was offkey and so was the hour.
If you say the reception starts promptly at 6
But arrive two hours later, we might pitch a fit.

And if the sound system is blasting too loud
Migraines are the favors bestowed on the crowd.
(Despite the excuses the sound techies gave
'Twas a wedding reception, my dears, not a rave!)

We waited till 9, for good Heaven's sake--
Not even then had you inched towards the cake.
The coffee and punch were self-serve, hit or miss;
At least you provided each, one Hershey's Kiss.

The groom was a cutie, the bridal gown stunning,
But not once did you greet us or thank us for coming.
I do wish you well; I do so want to bless!
But your nuptials were
An unqualified mess.