I guess people really read this

Let's peruse the Shannon's mailbox today, shall we?

It's blue! Official-looking! Marked "time-sensitive documents"! Yep, it's the "You, Too, Could be Creative Around the House If You'd Only Get Off the Internet Club" hitting me up for a subscription. Only had to partially rip one corner of the envelope to confirm my suspicions. I'm getting better at this.

Wow! Dimwit Valley Bank wants to send me my very own credit card--at 29% interest! They probably taped me wearing my "Just Fell Off the Turnip Truck" T-shirt at the spring hog-swillin'.

My catalog friends never forget me. They figure I'll always appreciate the opportunity to purchase a $400 cashmere workout hoodie, or a toilet paper holder that plays "Don't Fence Me In".

The local utilities company thanks me for choosing them. Never mind that they have an absolute monopoly. Like what was I gonna do, go out and cut peat?

A smiling tooth doing the cha-cha with a toothbrush reminds me it's time for a dental exam. Somehow it has escaped the notice of the dentist's office that a disembodied tooth just might not be the best mascot for oral health.

My daughter gets a magazine with the headline: "What Not to Tell Your Parents"--yeah, like 19 year-olds tend to tell their folks a lot anyway?

Open bag, insert recycling.